CALLING ALL LIBERALS!
Dear Liberals, I have a challenge for you. Leave this blog up and open a new internet window and open your online banking. If you have more than $1000 in your checking or savings, you have now been deemed 'wealthy' compared to me (I am the poor, I get to make the rules). I want you to imagine that half of what is in your checking/savings, is now mine, I think I deserve it. It will really help me out. I promise to be grateful.
Since you are blessed to have more than me (this is not a joke), I am going to place you under your Christian and Social duty to help the poor (Where much is given, much is required. - Luke 12:48 / D&C 82:3). There are no laws enacted, I won't occupy your yard, make signs or yell at you. I even have a wall in my house that I will treat as a shrine for those who actually donate to the cause. (I have spent a lot of time in hospitals lately, I figure I can live with a 'Ball Family Sponsor' wall in my house as long as my needs are met.)
If you don't want to help me, then help my family (wife & 8 kids), they shouldn't be burdened with my poor choices, they can't help it that their father/husband doesn't make better financial decisions or more money.
Let me give you the run-down.....just so you know what I will be doing with my money that currently sits in your bank account.
- Both of my cars are over 10 years old. (Still paying for them)
- My children live in a basement that has no carpet. (The stairs will be carpeted after this weekend as someone has donated their old carpet to us.)
- I have over $50K in student loans.
- My mortgage teeters on the brink of being upside down.
- I am working full time and going to school full time (My daily schedule starts at 4:30am and ends at 10:30pm).
- I have to commute over 1.5 hours every day (Gas money alone is outrageous).
- Our bank account is drained to almost nothing (This is not a metaphor) with Thanksgiving upon us and Christmas right around the corner.
So, whatever is in your accounts, half is now mine (remember I am the poor, I make the rules). I promise to only spend your generous donation on School loans, carpet for the basement (possibly a bathroom in the downstairs), paying off my cars or commuting expenses.
Fair?
I left you half of your disposable value. (I think that is fair..... I get to make the rules.)
I see three options here (remember...I am poor, I get to make the rules).
#1 - I'll start seeing checks appear in my mailbox (or cash.....I'm not picky) because you are an idealist and believe that change starts with you. You will put your money where your mouth is and help your fellow struggling family. You will understand that I am honest and simply trying to do the very best I have in me and you feel duty-bound to take that which is rightfully yours, and give it to someone who has real need.
#2 - You will reply to this blog (or Facebook post) with some snarky remark about how clever I am (or outrageous) and about how this totally makes your point and redirect me to the 'wealthy' and tell me to ask them. (Remember the first paragraph.....if you have more than $1000 in savings YOU ARE THE WEALTHY BY MY STANDARDS (yes, I am yelling) and I deem you the responsible party. Remember, change starts with you. (Kinda stings a bit when YOU have to put up or shut up huh.....)
#3 - You won't respond but you will go away thinking this blog is preposterous. "Who does this guy think he is? He doesn't deserve anything of mine, I worked very hard for what I have. He made his choices with the size of his family, his education, his job, his spending habits....why does he think he deserves or has a right to anything of mine?"
If you choose option 1, GREAT! Email me at aatball@gmail.com and I will give you instructions on how your donation can be accepted (I'll even accept PayPal). The size of your donation will directly determine the size of your nameplate, plaque or picture that we will happily display on our 'Ball Family Sponsors' wall.
If you choose Option #2 - You are a hypocrite. (Noboby likes a hypocrite, so don't choose option #2.)
If you choose Option #3 - Congratulations......you are a conservative.
Remember, I am the poor, I get to make the rules. I await your generous donation this Thanksgiving season. Thank you.
-Aaron
**DISCLAIMER**
(Please understand that while the facts of this blog are accurate, it was written in satire and written with someone in mind (Yes, you know who you are ;) ). The life I have chosen takes great sacrifice and I am blessed for my efforts. I don't think I deserve or have a right to your money.....you earned it, you keep it. I am responsible for my actions, the size of family I have chosen, the job I have and the decisions for my family and household. Also, my wife is going to be ticked that wrote this, don't blame her.)
