My lawn was mowed

Can I tell you how wonderful Catey is? Yesterday I came home after a stressful day at work, stressful day at the store with kids and we pulled into the driveway and I noticed that the lawn was mowed. My pregnant wife mowed the lawn for me. Normally I would be ticked and say something like, "Please don't do that, I will do that. Let me help you, that makes me feel bad."

But I was so tired that all I could do was say thank you with all the sincerity I could muster. It was so nice to not have "one more thing" to worry about when I got home.

Thank you Catey....you are the best.

The speedo

I know I am going to regret this but I have many asking me what the "the deal" is on the speedo. Apparently there are "stories" out there and the ones making it back to me are greatly exaggerated or completely wrong, so I must set the record straight.

There are two "stories" about the speedo....the first is that I swim in the morning and wear one. Yes I wear a speedo when I swim laps. I recently graduated to "jammers" which come down to the knees and which I like better but I still wear the "skin tight" spandex swimsuits when I swim laps. It makes for a much better slip through the water.

The second story I will preface with the big TMI. I know many of you will not want to read this but it is funny......too much information, but funny none-the-less. It happens to be the most embarrassing moment of my life.



Reader beware.
(Really, I'm not joking)




________________________________________________________________

The Story:

The year was 1990 and I was on the swim team...in a speedo. I used to be at school at 7:00 in the morning and was in the pool an hour before school started until the third hour of school. I would start the day spending 4 hours in the pool every day. Swim team took up the first part of the morning but the last class was just a Waterpolo/lifesaving class that anyone could take so most kids got out early but I stayed with a couple friends for the last water class.

Any male reading this knows that during the adolescent/teenage/high school years, the hormones are uncontrollable and you never know when "something" might present itself. Swim class was obviously the most inopportune time because of the lack of places for that "something" to hide.

On this particular day "something" showed up....again for no reason. I was in a speedo sitting on the edge of the pool, hoping I could just slip back into the water before "something" became noticed and a problem.

We (the class) were sitting on the side of the pool watching our teacher go through the lifesaving part of the daily routine and my teacher was demonstrating on one of the girls from the class the way to carry someone who was drowning back to the boat or shore. He knew I was an Eagle Scout and wanted me to take his place and show the class while he was demonstrating and talking others through it.

Teacher: "Aaron, come up here and show the class how to hold someone while you swim them back to the boat or shore"

Aaron: "Um.......no"

Teacher: "Ha, ha....come up here."

Aaron: "I would rather not"

Teacher: "I would rather you did."

Aaron: "Do I HAVE to......."

Teacher: "Yes, get up here NOW!"

So trying my best to be inconspicuous I slowly stood up, turned my body away from the rest of the class and then walked in a long slow large circle around everyone as to not expose the apparent mass of "something". I succeeded to hide everything from everyone right up until the point where I made it behind the girl acting as the victim then the teacher noticed and jumped back with bug-eyes and let out a loud "WHOA!"

The girl (playing the victim) then spun around to see what he was looking at, noticed me and my "something" and then jumped, took two quick steps away saying "Oh dear....".

So there I am standing all alone in front of the class (guys and girls) with "something". The only thing between me and the class was a thin layer of spandex...ugh.

The following happened... The coach said that class was dismissed and excused himself into the office and we could heard him roaring with laughter. The guys were laughing so hard some of them fell over backward into the pool and I don't know what the girls were doing because I was feverishly trying to avoid eye contact with any of them.....I headed for the cold showers and the locker room.

Yes I have been made fun of time and time again for that story. Very embarrassing. I guess it should say something about my resolve to continue swimming as I still wear the spandex. Some people never learn.

So there you have it...."the speedo" incident. I hope that was good for a laugh. At least the story will be correct now.

(I can only imagine the posts to follow..........)

Locked Out

Catey and I are rarely alone. Whether it is kids listening by the vents for a tidbit of information here or there or cracking open the door or lifting the window....arrrgh. So we are on the back porch as I am cooking chicken on the BBQ and kid after kid was opening the door. I finally shut the door, pulled out my keys and locked the dead bolt. I thought for sure they would get the picture after that but of course not, Malia promptly opened the door and said "Mom, Dad, um this door is locked, I don't think you wanted it locked so I will just open it for you."

It felt like a Abbot and Costello routine.

Emancipation of Women

So last week I was riding with my two girls (Malia and Alaina) up to get a truck from my father in law so I could de-junk some of our house. On the way back to Eagle Mountain we saw about 10 Harley dudes riding all together. I noticed that one of them was a woman (a sight you don't see very often) and I made mention to the girls "Hey, look, that one is a girl, you don't see that every day."

Malia rolled her eyes and let out a huge sigh and said, "Geez Dad. It isn't 1783 anymore, it is perfectly fine for a girl to ride a motorcycle anytime she wants."

Taken back a bit, I replied, "Of course its fine Malia, I think its great when a woman likes to ride a motorcycle, I just thought I would take notice of it since you don't see it every day."

She flipped her hand (as to shoo me off) said "Whatever Dad, I think its fine for her to ride with the boys."

I tried to explain that I was not saying it was a bad thing or unacceptable, but in her 9 year old mind I was trashing the Harley chick........women. I think most of the troubles of this world would be solved with a little more logic on their part and tolerance on our part. My wife agrees, but added that it depends on the day.

For example, she told me that today Taylor was trying to make pop corn in the microwave. Apparenetly not all the kernals popped so he put the unpopped kernals back in the microwave to make them pop. In a bowl. In a silver metal bowl. I guess he was upset when the kernels didn't pop but was surprised when the microwave did.....BOOM! Gratefully our microwave still works.

Father's Day

Catey took me out of town last week for Father's Day (and our Anniversary), and therefore didn't give me 'something' to open today. Just to say thanks again is an understatement as we got to do absolutely nothing...just to sit and enjoy each other. She felt bad that I didn't have anything to open on Father's Day from the kids, so she picked up a few things last night at the store.

Before I say anything about the 'few things' I might remind my loyal readers that I have been getting up at 3:50 a.m. since January to get in shape. Swimming, running, weight training....all to lose my extra weight and get myself in peak physical shape.

OK....so the 'few things' that my kids got me today were as follows:

1 box of Grape Nuts (my favorite cereal)
2 boxes of Propel drink mix (my new favorite drink)
2 Packages of Reese's peanut butter cups (one of my top 3 candy bars with Twix and Payday)
2 12oz. bags of Milk Chocolate Chips (for my favorite cookies)
2 boxes of Krusteaz Cinnamon Crumb Cake mix (best warm with cold Bryers vanilla bean)
1 box of Krusteaz Key Lime Bar mix (I love key lime and have been talking about trying these)

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled....but then I got to thinking....I wonder what that amounts to........and here are the totals:

Total grams of fat = 554g
Total grams of carbohydrate = 2,541
Total calories from fat = 3,980
Total overall calories = 18,420

Of course I will share some of that stuff, but seriously....if I just made that stuff and lived off it (which is what I WANT to do) then based on my government recommended daily allowance of 2,000 calories and 65g of fat, that should last a little more than 9 days. So then I wonder what message my wife with the pregnant belly and spreading hips is sending me.....maybe its something akin to "I am getting huge carrying your child, maybe you should bulk up a bit and make me feel better..." or " No fair getting smaller when I am getting bigger, I need to plump you up a bit"....maybe?

Seriously though, I love Father's Day, I always feel guilty on it and my birthday because I feel like I should be doing something for Catey and the kids and it is my turn to be doted on....makes me uncomfortable, but if I must.....I must.


On this Fathers day I would like to thank my own Dad. I didn't realize (until the last few years) how much of my life has been influenced by his example because we spent my growing up years bothered by each other because of lack of understanding......as we have both aged, and I have had kids we understand each other much better now and its nice to have a friend in my parent. I love you and wish you happiness in this trying time of your life.

Thank you kids (Malia, Taylor, Alaina, Jacob, Dallin, Lincoln) without you I still might have hair and some resemblance of sanity, I digress, I love you, I honestly cannot imagine life without any of you. If I asked God to send me the best teachers of all the attributes he wants me to develop and be in life, I am sure he would laugh and tell me that he already has. You teach me so much and are more precious than I have words to express.

Finally, Thank you Catey, without you I couldn't be a father. If God came to me and let me design any woman for my wife, I could not have done so well. I imagine myself taking hundreds of years, researching the best women on Earth, every attribute, every move, the best way to look. I would have taken this crumpled pitiful sheet of paper with 438 requests of what my wife should be and he would have taken one look at it and laughed, crumpled it up, thrown it over his shoulder and handed me you and said "How about this one?" and its better than anything I could have ever thought on my own....thank you.

I guess if I were to end here it would be to challenge myself to be more than just a father, but a better Dad. Most any male can Father a child, but becoming a Dad is something more than just fathering a child.....it is being a parent, guardian, confidant, teacher, cheerleader, disciplinarian and coach. It is a warm blanket on a cold day, I need to be better at those things.... I guess it is a good thing God sent me the best teachers, hopefully I will learn those attributes while they are still here, and I will be worthy of being 'Dad".

VACATION!!!

Thanks to a lot of help from a lot of people, Catey and I actually had a vacation. She didn't tell me anything and weeks ago planned for us to get away to ST. George for Sat, Sun and Mon. Right after Taylors baptism, we took off for Southern Utah for a getaway.....a real vacation! We have been on a few trips in our marriage but only two vacations by my count. Nowhere to go, just go and 'be' as Catey likes to put it. It was great...nothing to do but sit by the pool, not stress about kids, money, clouds, cars or anything in between.

It was so nice, and to those that helped.....I can not tell you how it was to know that my kids were well cared for while we were away.

To Catey: Great idea and way to pull it off! I can not be more grateful for time alone, even if we are just sitting and laying under the sun. Not having an agenda other that sun, sun and more sun was the best with you. Thank you thank you.

To Kelsey: I really appreciate the sacrifice. Catey and I have decided that you drop off Hal on Thursday night, and we will watch her till Sunday night. Thank you again.

To Beebs and Pomps: Thanks for helping out. I know you love it when we leave kids with you for more than 45 min, so this was a real treat. Thanks.

To the Hamptons and Bolli's: You guys are great. Thanks for tag teaming and helping my wife pull that off. It was great to not worry a bit about the kids.

Seriously one of my all-time favorite trips. I love you Catey.....thanks again.

Results are in...

On the Evan Handler blog the results are in....we had 20 votes and here is how they turned out.

Do I look like Evan Handler?

Holy Cow YES!!!!!!! 3 (15%)

I see why people say that 7 (35%)

Are you kidding? 2 (10%)

All bald people look alike. 8 (40%)

So according to the results...all bald people look alike. I think I must look like Telly Savalas....what do you think? ;)

How to buy a car

With all the death and frustration in our house lately, I decided to post something helpful (and a little funny). Many know I used to sell cars, but then I found religion and repented. I like to help people get the best of those who have stooped low enough to sell cars for a living.

There is really three ways to buy a car.

#1 - Auction
#2 - Buy from a previous owner (eBay, craigslist, classifieds)
#3 - Dealer

I thought I would give a little advice on how to get the most for your money on each. Before I explain the different ones, I should explain the "Bluebook value". Bluebook started with the Kelly Blue Book which was created to help dealers and car buyers understand what certain cars are worth in the current market. There are two books that are generally used today (1) Kelly Blue book [http:\\www.kbb.com] and (2) NADA guides [http:\\nadaguides.com]. Kelly and NADA have three values (they both call them different things but they mean the same). The 'top' or highest number is what the retail value of the car is. This is about what the dealer should be selling the car for in excellent condition. The 'middle' or average number is the price that the previous owner should be selling for in excellent condition and the 'bottom' or lowest value is what you should be able to buy the car for at auction.

NADA is closest to the UTAH market and is used more often by dealers here.

The first rule of buying a car is to remember that it is a car and there are millions of them. Don't get your heart set on just one. There was no car built for you or your family and /or ordained by deity for you to own. Be patient, people are counting on your falling in love with the car.

The second rule is know before you go. Research the cars you like and their prices so you know where you should be on price. Always start low, it is one of the last few things for which you can negotiate the price. You are not a jerk for demanding a lower price, they are looking out for their best interests, so should you.

OK Here goes......

#1 - Auction -
Good luck on this one. To me this is the most stressful way to buy a car. Some love it, I hate it. The last time I went to an auction to buy a car I scratched my forehead and found myself bidding $13,252 on a Jeep. (OH CRAP!!!!) Then I tried to retract the bid but they had moved on, someone had outbid me.....whew! My face and head never itched so much in my life. Then I waited hours and hours for the car I wanted, only to watch it roll out onto the auction floor and within two bids it was out of my range, what a waste of time. It did work once, and it was a good deal, if you have patience (and no itchy face or scalp) you might do well, the only people that may harass you are the other bidders.

#2 - Buy from a previous owner (eBay, craigslist, classifieds) -
This is always a guessing game and a crap shoot. You never know what you are getting. Obviously the current owner wants to get rid of the car for some reason, just finding out what that "something" could be can be daunting. Of course they are not going to tell you that the car has been in 5 accidents with their teenager and the transmission is faulty and the A/C blow hot air in summer and cold in winter.....so you have to make your best guesses. The price is a good telltale sign of trouble. If the bluebook value is $10,000 and they are selling for $5,000....there may be a problem.

#3 - Dealer -
This is the worst. Instead of giving you something boring to read, I wrote this narrative of what you should do. Pretend you are buying a minivan from a dealer....this is how it will go.

BUYER: I want to buy your van.

SALESMAN: Great, that will be 'X' dollars.

BUYER: Well I've done my research and 'S' dollars is where it should be and that is way below your 'X' dollars.

SALESMAN: C'mon I want to sell you a car, you want to buy a car, besides, look at all the options...

BUYER: I will pay 'S' dollars plus 5%....that is fair for you and fair for me.

SALESMAN: Oh man, I don't know but I will talk to my manager but don't expect anything...

BUYER: ok, you go talk to your manager

(Walks away and talks to manager behind glass where you can see them....they appear to argue a bit to make you think there is a chance you might get the deal.)

SALESMAN: Here is my manager (manager sits down)

MANAGER: Hi, I am manager, I am a nice guy, and really want to help you out. I can't do this deal (hand you another option) this is a really good deal here, I need some popcorn, to you need some popcorn?

BUYER: My deal IS the deal.....

MANAGER: What can I do to make this work?

BUYER: Sell me the deal I offered.

MANAGER: I can't do that.

BUYER: Then we are out the door, thank s for your time.

MANAGER: Wait wait wait wait lemme see what I can do....

BUYER: Yeah ok, you go see what you can do (manager and sales dork go behind the glass and start talking)

(time passes....................lots of time passes)

NOTE: This is to keep you waiting and make you feel uncomfortable. The more uncomfortable you feel the more likely you are to make a deal to leave and get out of the dealership. They may send the sales dork back to get you and the kids sodas, or popcorn, or free hotdogs or whatever. This is all to make you feel like you owe them something.

(Manager and Sales dork come back)

MANAGER: We can do a one time deal because we like you....If you give us $5,000 down, we can go 'S' plus 10% and that is an awesome deal for this beauty, I am your friend, look what I did for you, aren't you happy?

BUYER: Nope....5% is the deal, I guess we need to go. (At this point, get up and start walking out the door)

MANAGER: Wait wait wait wait wait......Lemme see what I can do....gosh, you are killing me here but let me go back again and see what (if anything) I can do

BUYER: No! You weaselly, punk ass, backstabbing lowlife, I want you to die a horrible death for making my family wait here for over two hours while you play games with my mind!!! We are outta here and we are taking the van with us (You then draw a Tommy gun from below the table and with an impish laugh level the place and drive away)

(Sorry, I got carried away on that last one....)

What I meant to say was:

BUYER: Sorry, MY deal IS the deal, I have done the research and that is a fair price, if you don't like it then I will find someone who will....have a nice day.

This is where you pick up the wife and kids and head out the door. They are banking on two things (I mentioned them before but I think it worth mentioning again.....)
1 - That you have fallen in love with the car and willing to do anything to get it.
2 - That you are tired of looking and your nagging spouse and misbehaved children will make you frustrated enough to just make the deal and leave.

It is evil on their part, but it works.

Thousands of people get too in love with the car and let their frustration take over and give in. As long as you hold your ground and don't give in, and offer a fair deal they will play.

The best day of the month to buy a car is the last day. The last day of the last quarter or even better, the last day of the last quarter of the year, December 31st is the best day of the year to buy a car, they are DYING to make quota and will do anything for it. Just be sure to find the youngest guy on the sales lot, he needs the sale the most and will do just about anything to make the deal.

Just remember the best rule of thumb for a dealer is low blue book plus 5%. It is fair for you, fair for them. You may have to bend a little, but not a lot. Be patient, you will find the deal you are looking for.

There you have it folks. This is also a lot of fun on a date. Go test drive a car and take them all the way through the deal then walk out the door and say "I think we will sleep on it.".....then laugh as you walk out.

Life and Death

Catey and I are consistantly getting feedback (either wanted or unwanted) about how many kids we have and how big we want our family to be. Catey and I have found that all we are doing is replacing those near and dear to us. I will come back to this later...but for now, trust me it makes sense to the rest of the post.....

We got some bad news today about Catey's OB/GYN doctor, A. Hamer Reiser III passed away last night in his sleep. Apparently he had a pacemaker that decided in the middle of last night to stop making pace. We loved this guy, he was one of the best physicians I have ever met. He did what I think Doctors are supposed to do and that is wait to be prompted from us. He would ask us questions, we would ask him questions, he would ask if we wanted his advice and then give it to us in a way we can understand and use. When I last changed our insurance the lady on the other side of the phone call asked me who my primary care physician was and I listed Dr. Reiser. She paused and said, "I think I have the wrong doctor, this guy is an OB.." I said, "Yup that's him" and she paused then responded (with uncertainy in her voice) "But you are a guy?!" I said "Yes, but I don't really know anyone and I hate doctors overall, if I was dying and they needed to contact someone, I trust his opinion." So she listed him as my PCP, I am sure everyone in their office got a great laugh out of that one.....

Catey and I have had someone close die with every kid. This is where the first part makes more sense....let me give you some examples:

Maila - Catey's grandmother Bettinson, she died in her sleep, very sad, very unexpected.
Taylor - Catey's mothers best friend Carolyn McMurrin. She had cancer.
Alaina - My Grandfather Ball, he had 7 heart attacks the week he died.
Jacob - My Great Uncle Pete (Mom's side), really old, died in his sleep.
Dallin - My Stepfathers Father Great Grandpa Mac. He too was really old.
Lincoln - My cousins stepfather Kim Barrow. Complications with Diabetes.
New baby - She outdid everyone, she dropped three including her doctor. Catey's Great Aunt Donna (died last month of old age), Catey's Grandmother Skip (died last week, old age combined with years of smoking) and Dr. Reiser.

Sheesh. Kinda weird but also kinda telling that those who think we are over populating the world and ruining everyone else's fun, we have added 6 (almost 7) and taken out 9. We are still down at least 2 (until the baby comes).

Makes you think.......